Broecker Family

Who knew ?

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For icy door steps in freezing temperatures: Get warm water and put Dawn dish washing liquid in it.  Pour it all over the steps. They won’t
refreeze.  (Wish I had known this for the last 40 years!).
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To remove old wax from a glass candle holder, put it in the freezer for a few hours.  Then take the candle holder out and turn it upside down.  The wax will fall out.

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Crayon marks on walls?  This worked wonderfully!  A damp rag, dipped in baking soda.  Comes off with little effort (elbow grease that is!).
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Permanent marker on appliances/counter tops (like store receipt
BLUE!) rubbing alcohol on paper towel.
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Whenever I purchase a box of S.O.S Pads, I immediately take a pair of scissors and cut each pad into halves.  After years of having to throw
away rusted and unused and smelly pads, I finally decided that this would be much more economical.  Now a box of S.O.S pads last me indefinitely!  In fact, I have noticed that the scissors get ‘sharpened” this way!

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Blood stains on clothes?  Not to worry! Just pour a little hydrogen
peroxide on a cloth and proceed to wipe off every drop of blood. Works
every time! (Now, where to put the body???) LOL
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Use vertical strokes when washing windows outside and horizontal for inside windows.  This way you can tell which side has the streaks.  Straight vinegar will get outside windows really clean.  Don’t wash windows on a sunny day.  They will dry too quickly and will probably streak.
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Spray a bit of perfume on the light bulb in any room to create a lovely a light scent in each room when the light is turned on.
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Place fabric softener sheets in dresser drawers and your clothes will smell freshly washed for weeks to come.  You can also do this with towels and linen.
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Candles will last a lot longer if placed in the freezer for at least 3
hours prior to burning.
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To clean artificial flowers, pour some salt into a paper bag and add the flowers.  Shake vigorously as the salt will absorb all the dust and dirt
and leave your artificial flowers looking like new! Works like a charm!
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To easily remove burnt on food from your skillet, simply add a drop or two of dish soap and enough water to cover bottom of pan, and bring to aboil on stove top.
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Spray your TUPPERWARE with nonstick cooking spray before pouring in tomato based sauces and there won’t be any stains.  I do this all the time and it works great!!
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Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.
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When boiling corn on the cob, add a pinch of sugar to help bring out the corn’s natural sweetness.
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Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half, and rub it on your
forehead.  The throbbing will go away.  (I prefer to soak the lime in
Gin and rub it on my tongue first) (not sure who put the statement in red here) AMEN!!!!
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Don’t throw out all that leftover wine: Freeze into ice cubes for future
use in casseroles and sauces…Left over wine?  What’s that? 🙂
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To get rid of itch from mosquito bites, try applying soap on the area
and you will experience instant relief.
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Ants, ants, ants everywhere.  Well, they are said to never cross a chalk line.  So, get your chalk out and draw a line on the floor or wherever ants tend to march.  See for yourself.
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Use air-freshener to clean mirrors.  It does a good job and better still,
leaves a lovely smell to the shine.
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When you get a splinter, reach for the scotch tape before resorting to
tweezers or a needle.  Simply put the scotch tape over the splinter, and
then pull it off.  Scotch tape removes most splinters painlessly and easily.  True!
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Now look what you can do with Alka Seltzer…Clean a toilet. Drop in two Alka Seltzer tablets, wait twenty minutes, brush and flush.
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Clean a vase.  To remove a stain from the bottom of a glass vase or cruet, fill with water, and drop in two Alka Seltzer tablets.
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Polish jewelry.  Drop two Alka Seltzer tablets into a glass of water and
immerse the jewelry for two minutes.
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Clean a thermos bottle.. Fill the bottle with water, drop in four Alka
Seltzer tablets, and let soak for an hour (Or longer, if necessary).
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Unclog a drain.  Clear the sink drain by dropping three Alka Seltzer
tablets down the drain followed by a cup of Heinz White Vinegar.
Wait a few minutes, and then run the hot water.
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Do your friends a favor.  Pass this timely (and some not-so-timely)
information on to a friend! I know I just did.

Makes you wonder about ingesting Alka Seltzer, doesn’t it?

An elderly couplehad dinner at another couple’s house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.

The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, ‘Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.’

The other man said, ‘What is the name of the restaurant?’

The first man thought and thought and finally said, ‘Whats the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know, the one that’s red and has thorns.’

‘Do you mean a rose?’

‘Yes, that’s the one,’ replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, ‘Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to last night?’

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Hospital regulationsrequire a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn’t need my help to leave the hospital.

After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.

On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.

‘I don’t know,’ he said. ‘She’s still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.’

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A senior citizensaid to his eighty-year old buddy:

‘So I hear you’re getting married?’

‘Yep!’

‘Do I know her?’

‘Nope!’

‘This woman, is she good looking?’

‘Not really.’

‘Is she a good cook?’

‘Naw, she can’t cook too well.’

‘Does she have lots of money?’

‘Nope! Poor as a church mouse.’

‘Well, then, is she good in bed?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘Why in the world do you want to marry her then?’

‘Because she can still drive!’

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A manwas telling his neighbour, ‘I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art. It’s perfect.’

‘Really,’ answered the neighbour. ‘What kind is it?’

‘Twelve thirty.’

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Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.

A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.

A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, ‘You’re really doing great, aren’t you?’

Morris replied, ‘Just doing what you said, Doc: ‘Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.”

The doctor said, ‘I didn’t say that.. I said, ‘You’ve got a heart murmur; be careful.’
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One more. . .!

A little old manshuffled slowly into an ice cream parlour and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool… After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, ‘Crushed nuts?’

‘No,’ he replied, ‘Arthritis.’

A husband and wife are shopping in their local supermarket.

The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.

“What do you think you’re doing?” asks the wife.

“They’re on sale, only $10 for 24 cans” he replies.

“Put them back, we can’t afford them” demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.

A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.

“What do you think you’re doing?” asks the husband.

“It’s my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,” replies the wife.

Her husband retorts: “So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it’s half the price.”

That’s him in Aisle 5 – he never knew what hit him…

When Uncle Charlie died of old age, Bill was bequeathed his uncle's

prized Amazon parrot.  This parrot was fully grown -- with a bad attitude

and a worse vocabulary.  Every other word was an expletive.  Those that

weren't expletives were, to say the very least, extremely rude.

Bill tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying

polite words, playing soft music--anything he could think of to try and

set a good example...  Nothing worked.  Exasperated, he yelled at the

bird.  But the bird just got louder.  Then he shook the parrot.  But the

bird just got more angry and more rude.

Finally, in a moment of desperation, Bill put the parrot in the freezer.

For a few moments he heard the bird squawking, kicking, and

screaming...

Then, suddenly, all was quiet.  Bill was frightened that he might have

hurt his dead uncle's prized parrot and quickly opened the freezer door.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto Bill's extended arm and said, "I am

truly sorry that I might have offended you with my language and action

and I humbly ask your forgiveness.  I will now, from this day forth,

endeavor to correct my behavior so that such an ill-perceived outburst

never again occurs."

 Bill was completely astonished at the bird's change in attitude and was

about to ask what had caused such a dramatic change when the parrot

continued, "May I ask what the chicken did?"

To All My Valued Employees,

There have been some rumblings around the office about the future of this company, and more specifically, your job. As you know, the economy has changed for the worse and presents many challenges. However, the good news is this: The economy doesn’t pose a threat to your job.

What does threaten your job however, is the changing political landscape in this country. Of course, as your employer, I am forbidden to tell you whom to vote for – it is against the law to discriminate based on political affiliation, race, creed, religion, etc.

Please vote for who you think will serve your interests the best. However, let me tell you some little tidbits of fact which might help you decide what is in your best interest. First, while it is easy to spew rhetoric that casts employers against employees, you have to understand that for every business owner there is a back story.

This back story is often neglected and overshadowed by what you see and hear.  Sure, you see me park my Mercedes outside.  You saw my big home at last year’s Christmas party. I’m sure all these flashy icons of luxury conjure up some idealized thoughts about my life. However, what you don’t see is the back story.

I started this company 12 years ago. At that time, I lived in a 300 square foot studio apartment for 3 years. My entire living space was converted into an office so I could put forth 100% effort into building a company, which by the way, would eventually employ you.

My diet consisted of Ramen Pride noodles because every dollar I spent went back into this company. I drove a rusty Toyota Corolla with a defective transmission. I didn’t have time to date. Often times, I stayed home on weekends, while my friends went out drinking and partying. In fact, I was married to my business — hard work, discipline, and sacrifice.

Meanwhile, my friends got jobs. They worked 40 hours a week and made a modest $50K a year and spent every dime they earned. They drove flashy cars and lived in expensive homes and wore fancy designer clothes.  Instead of hitting Nordstrom’s for the latest hot fashion item, I was trolling through the Goodwill store extracting any clothing item that didn’t look like it was birthed in the 70’s.

My friends refinanced their mortgages and lived a life of luxury. I, however, did not. I put my time, my money, and my life into a business — with a vision that eventually, some day, I too, will be able to afford these luxuries my friends supposedly had.

So, while you physically arrive at the office at 9 am, mentally check in at about noon, and then leave at 5 pm, I don’t. There is no “off” button for me. When you leave the office, you are done and you have a weekend all to yourself.  I unfortunately do not have the freedom.  I eat, ****, and breathe this company every minute of the day. There is no rest. There is no weekend. There is no happy hour. Every day this business is attached to me like a 1 day old baby.

You, of course, only see the fruits of that garden — the nice house, the Mercedes, the vacations… You never realize the back story and the sacrifices I’ve made. Now, the economy is falling apart and I, the guy that made all the right decisions and saved his money, have to bail out all the people who didn’t.

The people that overspent their paychecks suddenly feel entitled to the same luxuries that I earned and sacrificed a decade of my life for.  Yes, business ownership has its benefits but the price I’ve paid is steep and not without wounds. Unfortunately, the cost of running this business, and employing you, is starting to eclipse the threshold of marginal benefit and let me tell you why:

I am being taxed to death and the government thinks I don’t pay enough. I have state taxes. Federal taxes. Property taxes. Sales and use taxes. Payroll taxes. Workers compensation taxes. Unemployment taxes. Taxes on taxes. I have to hire a tax man to manage all these taxes and then guess what?   I have to pay taxes for employing him. Government mandates and regulations and all the accounting that goes with it, now occupy most of my time. On Oct 15th, I wrote a check to the US Treasury for $288,000 for quarterly taxes.  You know what my “stimulus” check was? Zero. Nada. Zilch.

The question I have is this: Who is stimulating the economy? Me, the guy who has provided 14 people good paying jobs and serves over 2,200,000 people per year with a flourishing business? Or, the single mother sitting at home pregnant with her fourth child waiting for her next welfare check?

Obviously, government feels the latter is the economic stimulus of this country. The fact is, if I deducted (Read: Stole) 50% of your paycheck you’d quit and you wouldn’t work here. I mean, why should you? That’s nuts. Who wants to get rewarded only 50% of their hard work? Well, I agree which is why your job is in jeopardy. Here is what many of you don’t understand .. to stimulate the economy you need to stimulate what runs the economy. Had suddenly government mandated to me that I didn’t need to pay taxes, guess what?   Instead of depositing that $288,000 into the Washington black-hole, I would have spent it, hired more employees, and generated substantial economic growth. My employees would have enjoyed the wealth of that tax cut in the form of promotions and better salaries. But you can forget it now.

When you have a comatose man on the verge of death, you don’t defibrillate and shock his thumb thinking that will bring him back to life, do you? Or, do you defibrillate his heart?   Business is at the heart of America and always has been. To restart it, you must stimulate it, not kill it. Suddenly, the power brokers in Washington believe the mud of America are the essential drivers of the American economic engine.

Nothing could be further from the truth and this is the type of change you can keep. So where am I going with all this? It’s quite simple. If any new taxes are levied on me, or my company, my reaction will be swift and simple. I fire you. I fire your co-workers.   You can then plead with the government to pay for your mortgage, your SUV, and your child’s future. Frankly, it isn’t my problem anymore. Then, I will close this company down, move to another country, and retire.

You see, I’m done. I’m done with a country that penalizes the productive and gives to the unproductive. My motivation to work and to provide jobs will be destroyed, and with it, will be my citizenship.

While tax cuts to 95% of America sounds great on paper, don’t forget the back story: If there is no job, there is no income to tax. A tax cut on zero dollars is zero. So, when you make decision to vote, ask yourself, who understands the economics of business ownership and who doesn’t?  Whose policies will endanger your job? Answer those questions and you should know who might be the one capable of saving your job. While the media wants to tell you “It’s the economy Stupid” I’m telling you it isn’t.

If you lose your job, it won’t be at the hands of the economy; it will be at the hands of a political hurricane that swept through this country, steamrolled the Constitution, and will have changed its landscape forever. If that happens, you can find me in the South Caribbean sitting on a beach, retired, and with no employees to worry about.

Signed, Your boss,

A TRUE STORY FROM… “THE HOUSTON HERALD” HOUSTON , TEXAS

Last Thursday night around midnight, a woman from Houston , Texas was arrested, jailed, and charged with manslaughter for shooting a man 6 times in the back as he was running away with her purse.

The following Monday morning, the woman was called in front of the Arraignment Judge, sworn-in, and asked to explain her actions.

The woman replied, “I was standing at the corner bus stop for about 15 minutes, waiting for the bus to take me home after work. I am a waitress at a local cafe.

I was there alone, so I had my right hand on my pistol in my purse hanging on my left shoulder. All of a sudden I was spun around hard to my left. As I caught my balance, I saw a man running away with my purse. I looked down at my right hand and saw that my fingers were wrapped tightly around my pistol.

The next thing I remember is saying out loud, “No Way Punk! You’re not stealing my pay check and tips.” I raised my right hand, pointed my pistol at the man running away from me with my purse, and started squeezing the trigger of my pistol.

When asked by the arraignment judge,”Why did you shoot the man 6 times?

The woman replied under oath, “Because, when I pulled the trigger the 7th time, it only went click.”

The woman was acquitted of all charges. She was back at work the next day!

That’s Gun Control, Texas Style

Go green –
Recycle Congress and the White House in 2012

OK group, following are those who have indicated they will attend the August dinner at Selena’s.

Bruce/Linda

Walter/Lynne

TK/Shari/ME

Tyler/Michelle

Kurt/Mary

Rod/Peggy

ANYONE ELSE ???

Back by popular demand, suggested by a member of the group, don’t blame me if you don’t like this place, the UN won’t eat here but who cares about the UN, the Olympics will almost be over and school will not have started, Soooooooo, get off your butts (sorry if I offended anyone) and join us ASAP.  OH, you want to know where/when/time/etc?  OK if you insist.

WHERE:             Selena’s at Whipps Mill

LOCATION:        Anchorage on LaGrange Rd

DATE:                 Aug 9^th,

TIME:                   6pm

Website:              http://www.selenasrestaurant.com/

Let me know ASAP so that I can make reservations.  I’ll call on Monday Aug 6^th,

Now you know so no reason not to attend.  THEY HAVE A KIDS MENU FOR THOSE THAT HAVE KIDS.  If you want to rent some let me know.

The 5-Minute Management Course

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.

Before she says a word, Bob says, ‘I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.’

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, ‘Who was that?’

‘It was Bob the next door neighbor,’ she replies.

‘Great,’ the husband says, ‘did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?’

Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure

Lesson 2:

A priest offered a Nun a lift.

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.

The priest nearly had an accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. 
The nun once again said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’

The priest apologized ‘Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.’

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily 
And went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, ‘Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.’

Moral of the story: 
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when

They find an antique oil lamp. 
They rub it and a Genie comes out. 
The Genie says, ‘I’ll give each of you just one wish.’ 
‘Me first! Me first!’ says the admin clerk. ‘I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.’ Puff! She’s gone.

‘Me next! Me next!’ says the sales rep. ‘I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.’

Puff! He’s gone.

‘OK, you’re up,’ the Genie says to the manager. 

The manager says, ‘I want those two back in the office after 
Lunch.’

Moral of the story: 
Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, ‘Can I also sit like you and do nothing?’ 
The eagle answered: ‘Sure, why not.’

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: 
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

‘I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree’ sighed the turkey, ‘but I haven’t got the energy.’ 
‘Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?’ replied the bull. They’re packed with nutrients.’

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story: 
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there..

Lesson 6

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.

The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. 
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story: 
(1) Not everyone who shit’s on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.

(3) And when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep 
your mouth shut!

THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE